It's Not About Me
by beckettxwine
Summary: Castle tells Beckett the secret he's been hiding from her and doesn't get the reaction he's hoping for.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own Castle, sadly. I'm stuck writing things like this.**

It was around midnight when Kate heard a knock on her door. She looked up from the pasta she'd just heated up and walked to the door, glancing at the gun on the side table. She looked out the peephole but saw no one. She picked up the gun and cocked it, sliding open the door slowly. She put her foot out, and turned to the right, aiming at the closest thing she saw, which ended up being a _him_ rather than an it. Kate lowered her gun and walked back into her apartment.

"Damnit, Castle!" She put her gun on the table it was previously on, and Castle closed the door behind them.

"Paranoid much?" He muttered. She turned to him and glared, causing him to hold up his palms in defense, "Okay, not paranoid, just kidding!" Kate walked back to her pasta and resumed eating it, as he stood there awkwardly. After a few minutes, she looked up at him.

"What?" She snapped.

"Nothing, sorry.." Their eyes were locked on each other for a few seconds before she sighed and put her fork onto her plate.

"Alright, start talking."

"Excuse me?" He looked at her in confusion and she tilted her head.

"Why are you here at-" She glanced at the clock, "midnight on a Tuesday? Is it Alexis? Is she okay? Is Martha?" Her eyes widened and she started to get up, but Castle responded quick,

"No, no they're both fine, I promise." She sat back down, still looking at him.

"Okaaaaayyyy… Then why are you here?"

"What, you're not absolutely delighted to see me?" Kate rolled her eyes and picked up her fork.

"Can I show you something?" He looked at her for a minute, but didn't wait for a response before grabbing her hand and leading her towards the door.

"Castle, I'm eating, what are you doing?"

"I'll buy you dinner." He answered quietly. Kate looked at his face but couldn't find any emotion. How could someone like him go from fun to emotionless in two minutes? He was Richard Castle, five-year-old in the body of a 40-year-old.

"It's midnight, nothings open." Castle ushered her to the door, opening it and putting her jacket on for her. He put his hand on the small on her back and they walked out.

Waiting for the elevator, his palm still rested on her back, but when it opened he let it fall. They walked in, and she turned to him to ask what was wrong, but gasped when she felt his arm snake around her waist and his hand touch her cheek. She knew she should pull away, but instead wrapped her arms around his neck and mashed his lips against hers. They both sighed into how_right_ the kiss felt. Wait, Kate Beckett kissing Richard Castle? It felt right? Kate sighed again as tons of thoughts raced through her mind. The elevator opened and Castle had to literally pull on Kate's hand to get her to move from the spot she was standing in. They walked to Castle's car, with his arm around her waist.

Not a word was spoken during the car ride to Castles house. Once they'd gotten to his house, Castle opened the door with his arm wrapped around Kate's waist. The silence continued when a few minutes later, Kate was not only staring at hers, but the faces of everybody involved in her mother's case. She walked out of his grasp and leaned against his desk. Kate blinked back the furious moisture in her eyes, picked up the closest book to her, and chucked it at Castle, which was dodged.

"That is my mother's case, Castle! You had, have, no right to go behind my back on this case. It wasn't okay before, what do you think changed? You think that you can just tell me that you love me and decide to take my mother's case? How long has this been going on?" Castle looked at her with his jaw dropped and sighed. She knew? She knew he told her that he loved her and she didn't say anything? His eyes drifted back to Kate's when she whispered, "how long Rick?"

"Since you were shot.." He closed his eyes and looked up, but they shot open when he heard Kate laugh. She was halfway to the door when he looked at her. "Kate!"

"How could you?" She spat, turning to face him.

"I was trying to keep you safe, Kate! When are you going to understand that everything I do is to keep my mother, Alexis and you safe? If I let you keep going on this case you would have ended up right back where you started! You would have pushed me away and fell into it, just like you did all those years ago and honestly Kate, I don't think I would have been able to do it! I don't think I could watch you dig and dig to find out what? Everything we already know? I can't watch you fall into this case and I don't think _you_ could handle it either!"

"You were supposed to be there for me! It's not about me, or you keeping me safe, it's about my mother! It was _her_ case, and I asked you to stay out of it! I asked you because I knew that by you being involved would only increase your chance of getting hurt, and Rick, I can't watch you get hurt because I couldn't solve the murder that basically defines me!"

"Kate, I'm not getting hurt I'm fine."

"You won't be," Castle didn't respond, he just looked in her pleading eyes and sighed, letting the hand that was on her shoulder fall to his side.

"I'm sorry for going behind your back, I'm not sorry for doing this," instead of answering, Kate turned and walked out of Castle's office and towards the front door. She put one hand on the knob and twisted, but instead of walking out, she walked into something hard. She looked up and into a pair of big blue, concerned eyes.

"Detective Beckett."

"Alexis," they stared at each other for a few moments before Castle came out of his study, not hearing the door shut. Kate muttered a low excuse me, and made her way out of the door, and to the elevator. Pressing the button, and watching the doors close in front of her, she leaned her head against the cold metal of the wall.

**A/N: Okay guys this is what I have so far! I'm not sure if I like it, or if I want to continue on considering I have no idea where I want to go with it, but let me know what you think and if I should continue, and where you want to see it go and I'll do that!**

**Any spelling/grammar mistakes are mine!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I do not own Castle or its characters in any shape or form! **

Beckett woke up to the sound of her phone, but instead of answering it, she watched it skid out of her hand and across the wooden floor. She gave it a few seconds before the ringing stopped and it was silent in her apartment. Her cheeks were stiff from the dry tears and she could still feel the moisture on her pillow. Her phone rang again and she threw the blankets off of her body and bent down to pick up her phone, answering it with a furious,

"What?"

"Beckett, where are you?" Beckett scrunched her face up and wrinkled her nose.

"Esposito? I'm at home- why?"

"Where's Castle?" Beckett scoffed and rolled her eyes.

"How should I know?"

"He ain't picking up his phone."

"Then he's probably busy, oh well. Do we have a case?" Beckett pushed her palm against her forehead and tilted her head back.

"Nah, I just wanted to call you to see if you knew where Castle was."

"Well I don't. Sorry, Javi," she rolled her eyes to the ground and paused, waiting for Esposito to answer her.

"Me and Ryan were just gonna grab some breakfast, hang out for a while, meet up with Jenny. You wanna come?"

"You know what, Esposito? I think I will. When are you guys going?" Beckett could hear the smile in his voice as he spoke,

"See you in fifteen minutes?"

"Sure," Beckett hung up the phone and smiled to herself. She tossed her phone onto her bed and made her way into her bathroom to shower. _Richard Castle, who? _

When Castle woke up his head was pounding. To put it in his words, it 'felt like there were hammers being repeatedly being slammed against his head.' He rolled over, throwing an arm around his eyes, blocking the sunlight that was already leaking through one of the two windows in his bedroom. He scrubbed a hand over his face and glanced at the clock. It read 6:27. Castle swung his legs over the side of the bed and ran his hand through his hair. He picked up his phone and checked his messages. None from Beckett, of course. Three missed calls from Ryan and two texts from Esposito. _Why would she call you? Even if a body dropped, she's not going to want you there. _He stood up and made his bed quietly. He stepped into the kitchen and heard his mother humming very off tone and too loud for his liking. He reached into the medicine cabinet and pulled out the Aleve, quickly dropping them into his mouth followed by a swish of water.

"Oh, Darling you look terrible! Are you alright?" Martha patted his cheek and felt his head. "You're not warm. Did something happen?"

Castle shrugged away from his mother's touch and walked to the fridge, taking out the carton of milk.

"I'm fine, Mother. Where's Alexis?" Martha set the coffee pot on the counter and turned to face him.

"It's Saturday, Richard. She doesn't have to be up today." Martha quirked an eyebrow and leaned against the counter. Castle looked up at his mother, capping the milk and placing it back into the fridge.

"Right, yeah, Saturday," Castle took the cup of milk in his hands and walked back into his room, setting the cup on his nightstand. He grabbed a towel, jeans, and a shirt, and walked into the bathroom. He slid his t-shirt over his head, thumbed his boxers and slid them down his legs. He adjusted the temperature to a scorching heat and stepped into the shower. It was hotter than usual, but he barely noticed.

When he stepped out not six minutes later, he saw his phone blinking. Running a towel through his hair and wrapping one around his waist, he picked up his phone and typed in his pass code. There was a text from Ryan, '_Just called Beckett, she didn't know where you were, you weren't answering your phone. She sounded pissed, something up?_' Castle sighed and placed his phone back onto the counter. After getting dressed, he shoved his phone in his pocket, threw his shirt on over his still wet hair, and walked out the door.

Beckett sat next to Lanie, who sat next to Esposito. Jenny and Ryan were on the other side of the table, seated with their shoulders touching at the Café near the 12th. Beckett's hands were wrapped around her coffee and her smile was still on her face from the last thing Ryan had said. Ryan was clutching Jenny's hand underneath the table, and Esposito's arm was around Lanie's chair. Beckett felt a small ting of loss and she glanced to her right, expecting to see Castle, but seeing only the chair still tucked into the table. Beckett's eyes moved to Ryan when he and Jenny started to stand up and put their coats on.

"Are you guys leaving?" Her brows furrowed and she cleared her throat.

"Yeah, Espo and I are headed back to the Precinct and I'm gonna drop Jenny off at home before I go."

"Yeah, but I'm staying here," Lanie muttered to Beckett before Esposito stood up and put his arms through his sleeves.

"We'll see you later, Beckett?" Beckett smiled and nodded her head,

"Yeah, I'll be there as soon as I'm done here," Jenny and Beckett said their goodbyes and soon it was just Lanie and Beckett at the table.

"What in the hell happened last night?" Lanie demanded. Beckett sighed and started telling the story about her, as she described it, eventful night that went down at Castle's place.

"Girl, he _kissed_ you?"

"Yes, Lanie, and then he proceeded to show me that he had been working on my mother's case, _again_, without my knowing!"

"Kate, did he tell you why he did it?" Beckett closed her eyes and looked down at the table, letting her hair fall at each side, blocking her face.

"He said he was trying to protect me." She mumbled, barely audible.

"Honey, I know it's hard, and I know you'll have to get used to it, but Castle is here to stay. Just because you're mad about this, just because you guys fight for a different reason, you and I both know he is not the type of man to just get up and leave you. He was before, but then he met you Kate. You've changed him without even doing it on purpose. I know you don't want to believe it and you may not even want to admit it, but he loves you, Kate. He does. I can see it, everyone can see it. The way he looks at you isn't how he looked at Kyra, or Maddie, or even Gina for God's sake, who was his wife. I know you can see it Kate."

"I told him I knew." Beckett looked up at Lanie with tears in her eyes, and Lanie brushed a thumb under her eyes to stop them from falling. Lanie rubbed her shoulder and looked at Beckett with the best compassion a friend can give.

"Told him you knew what?"

"When I-I got shot, and he was on top of me, before I p-passed out, I heard him- I heard him say that he loves me. He told me that he loved me." Lanie's mouth formed an O and her hand that was on Beckett's arm stopped. "I told him I didn't know at the hospital, because I couldn't do that then, but then when I started talking to my therapist, I remembered Lanie. I remember him saying that he loves me and he thinks that I don't know because I lied to him and- oh God I'm such a hypocrite." Beckett let go of her coffee and dropped her head into her hands.

"You need to tell him. He didn't tell you about the board because he was protecting you, you didn't tell him that you knew he loved you because you were selfish and you weren't ready, but I can see you are. I can see it, trust me." Lanie smiled and hugged Beckett from the side, standing up. Once Beckett's face was cleaned, and she didn't look like she was crying, her and Lanie linked arms and started walking out of the Café.

Beckett looked up when Lanie stopped walking and Beckett had been pulled to a halting stop.

"What, what, are you okay?" Beckett turned to face Lanie and Lanie's face was still awestricken and gleeful all in one.

"Someone found you. I don't know how, I don't know who told her, but you need to talk to her." Lanie unlinked her and Beckett's arms and started walking to the door, making sure her eyes stayed on Beckett going from her to the girl.

"Talk. To. Her." Lanie pushed on the front door and walked out into the windy New York streets. Beckett's jaw dropped when she turned and she saw a girl, not a day over 19, beautiful long reddish hair and beautiful saucer eyes. The girl turned to look at Beckett, her mouth forming an O, her body physically stiffening. Beckett took the few steps it took to reach the girl and cleared her throat.

"Alexis, hi," she mumbled, looking directly into the girls eyes that reminded her so much of her father.

"Detective Beckett," Alexis turned to pay and Beckett picked up her coffee, handing it to Alexis.

"Can we walk?"

**A/N: Okay. Finally, if anyone is still interested in reading, the second installment to this story. I'm really sorry that it took so long, almost a month. If you guys want me to continue this story it won't usually have those big of gaps in between the chapters. I went from good in school to being piled and piled with tests and quizzes and projects galore! I'm finally on winter break and after a terrible case of writers block, here you are! Read and review, it makes me smile! :)**


	3. Chapter 3

Beckett took a deep breath and pushed the door open, watching Alexis grasp her cup and walk out. She let the door close behind her and soon was walking next to Alexis down the streets of New York. Beckett cleared her throat and opened her mouth to speak, but was cut off by Alexis' stern voice,

"What did you do to my dad?" Alexis has now stopped and Beckett turned to look at her, startled by her words.

"Alexis, I-"

"This morning, he didn't even ask me where I was going when I left the house. Grams had to ask me because he was just sitting in front of his laptop staring at nothing. I don't know what you did, but you need to fix it."

"Alexis, let me explain," Beckett sighed and looked around her. She spoke quiet, but loud enough for the girl to hear. "Alexis, I'm not sure what your father and I are. I don't know how to fix what happened, I don't even know if I want to fix it, I won't lie to you. I don't want to hurt you and I don't want to hurt him, just know that, okay?" Alexis sighed and her eyes were fixed on the floor.

"I just hate seeing my dad hurt. Especially by you," Beckett's brow furrowed and she opened her mouth a few times. Alexis looked up into Beckett's eyes and took a deep breath.

"He cares about you. I've seen him married, Detective Beckett, twice, and he's never acted the way he does when he talks about you. His eyes light up and he has this smile that's just for you." Alexis smiles a bit and looks back down, "I just want him happy, Detective. You make him happy."

Beckett was speechless. She blinked at the girl and opened her mouth a few times to speak but nothing was coming out. _Do his eyes really light up? Does he really smile different around me? Of course, he loves me. But I didn't tell him that because I'm a stupid idiot. _She thought as she still stared at the girl.

"I.." Beckett blew out a breath and Alexis looked up.

"You don't have to say anything. I just want to know what happened."

"Alexis I know you've probably heard this tons of times, especially from your Dad, but it's really complicated. It's not that I don't think you're mature it's that I don't want to tell you this unless your father wants you to know," Beckett's phone decided on that moment to go off.

"Beckett," Alexis listened to Detective Beckett go into her professional mode and took a few minutes to wonder if Beckett and her father ever got married, that was how she would act around Alexis. Married? Again? Alexis didn't know what she thought of that, but she smiled, _Beckett would be a great mom._

When Beckett turned around she saw that Alexis was smiling. She scrunched her brows and put her hands on Alexis' shoulders.

"I have a case, you should ask your dad about this. Maybe he could give you some answers that I can't. Call me if you still want to talk about this, okay?" Alexis nodded and Beckett said her goodbyes, walking down the street and running her hand through her hair. _Did that really just happen?_ She thought.

…

Beckett got home at around nine. It was a quick case and the killer who murdered and raped a fifteen year old girl was behind bars. She put her gun in her safe and walked into the kitchen to get a drink. Beckett screamed and jumped, seeing a body standing in the middle of her kitchen. She rubbed her hands on her face and looked at the person.

"What are you doing here? How did you get in here?" Beckett walked past him and got a cup, filling it up with water. Castle held up a key that was an exact copy of hers and shook it,

"Made a copy after your apartment was blown up. Just in case," Beckett put the water down on her counter and after a few moments of just staring at him she finally asked,

"Well why are you here?"

"My daughter asked me earlier 'what Detective Beckett did to me and why I was moping around like a dog that has not been fed.' After I explained to her that you did nothing, she shut my laptop, put it on my desk and asked me what I did to you. She then crossed her arms and gave me a glare that I haven't seen since I made her go on that spiritual outing with my mother," Castle frowned and leaned against the counter he was next to. "We can't let this just go Kate, this isn't something that just disappears. We have to talk about it."

Beckett sighed and put her head into her hands. "What is there to talk about Castle?" She looked up into his blue shining eyes and noticed that even when he was angry- or whatever he was- he did sort of have a light in his eyes that no one could miss.

"Yell at me. Scream at me. I don't know, Kate, show some emotion. I feel like other than that moment you have shown me nothing."

"I can't," She said in a shaky voice, "I don't know what to show, Castle. I don't know if I'm angry or if I just feel like I have to be angry for her. What you did was.. Devious and it was controlling but you said yourself that you did it because you cared about me. My mother would smack me from wherever she is right now if I was angry at you. But, Castle, my mother's case? I just feel like you think you can solve it just because you're a mystery writer. I think you think that because I can't do it you can."

"I do it because I want to protect you. I do it because I want to keep you safe, and out of the rabbit hole you placed yourself in. I did it because I love you, Kate." Beckett gasped and her breath caught in her throat and she could feel his eyes on her even with her eyes on the table. She looked up when she felt him put his hands on his arms and pull her to him, against his chest.

It took Beckett a few moments before she realized that he was hugging her. She tried to gulp down the tears but every time she tried more kept coming. Soon Beckett's arms were wrapped around Castle's waist and she was soaking his shirt with the salty tears that were escaping from her eyes without her permission.

…

When she awoke, it was bright, and her head hurt. She immediately noticed the shades that she had closed the night before were open and that someone was sitting in a chair staring at her. She opened one eye and looked at him,

"Jeez, and I thought you watching me do paperwork was creepy." Castle cracked a grin and stood up.

"I made breakfast, after I went out and got it. Your fridge doesn't have many contents, you know." She watched Castle walk into the kitchen and she threw the blankets over her, standing up and lifting her arms over her head. She rolled her feet and cracked her ankles. Beckett walked into the kitchen and sat in one of the chairs at the table, touching none of the food. She stared at Castle until he looked up, and into her eyes.

"What?" He asked around a mouthful of eggs.

"I think- I think I'm ready. I think I'm ready to let the case go."

A/N: Okay. I realized after re-reading this, and chapter one, and chapter two, that the title is honestly ridiculous. It doesn't match up to what the story is actually about and if that's what lead you to reading this I'm terribly sorry. If you have any ideas, I'd love to take them, and I would give you full credit.

I know Alexis is a bit out of character, but this is how I think she would act if anything like this ever happened. I don't know how far I'll go into this story, but I do know that this will _not _turn into a case fic and something will _not _happen involving Johanna's case. Read, review, and enjoy!


End file.
